imarci: (moon)
sunset


The below is a little bit about me and what I write about for those who just happen across my tiny spot on the net. Since I don’t want this to take up a huge chunk at the top of my entries, I’m putting everything under the cut. (Photo is mine that I edited plainly).

Click away! )
imarci: (Fog)
Dark clouds threaten to unleash Poseidon himself as I rush across the field, cloak clenched tightly in my right hand, basket full of fruit in my left. Slippers seep into the already softened soil from the previous night’s downpour, and if I don’t hurry, I’ll get caught in today’s.

I pick up the pace as a thunderclap echoes across the miles from behind me, sending a shiver up my spine.

It is unwise to be caught outdoors when the gods fight, and lately they’ve been having an all-out war, with humanity in the center. Crops are failing, animals are dying and humans are struggling to keep themselves hidden in their rickety domiciles.

Mine is just up the hill, another quarter of a mile to go.

I feel the first drop of moisture as I reach the crescent of the hill, my relief quick in my lungs as I exhale. The small shack that is my home is nestled at the bottom of a cliff, protecting it from harsh winds off the coast, and wild animals from the forest a few miles west.

I immediately pick up the pace at the sight of my home, shoes kicking up mud in the process, basket bumping against my thighs.

Yet as I get closer, the dim light in the only window of the building pauses me. As I live alone, the sight worries me.

I glance every which way before deeming no one is watching and wonder if perhaps I simply left a candle lit in my rush to gather fruit between tempests of rain.

Licking my suddenly parched lips, I grip the basket more firmly, ready to use it as a weapon if the need arises and approach the window tentatively.

Peering inside to the three-room home, I do not see anything or anyone out of place. Chewing on my lip I gently push in my door and croak out, “Hello?” My voice catching on the dryness of the air.

Silence greets me and with it, a lessening of tension in my shoulders.

I move quietly toward the tiny kitchen, dropping the basket on the counter. As I am removing the berries I spent all morning picking, I keep my ears tuned into the sounds of my home, now very familiar with each one.

By the time the basket is empty, I’ve convinced myself I neglected to blow out the candle, and ignore the niggling feeling that it is at the same height as when I left.

I carefully prune and wash the berries, placing a handful on a plate and moving toward the small table in the corner to enjoy my lunch and dinner.

The loud boom in the sky, followed by a light so bright it illuminates my entire home, startles me. Within moments, the rain is pitter-pattering on the roof, and just as quickly, it becomes torrential. The sound lulls me into a state of exhaustion as the hike to where the berries reside is over five miles each way. That, and last night’s battle kept me awake for most of the night, letting me doze off for only a mere hour or so.

A rumble shakes the small home, causing glassware to tinkle, and forcing me to grip my table. An explosion is fast on the heels, rocking the foundation and sending the other chair toppling over. Another bright light flashes in through the window, blinding me for a whole minute before it is gone.

“Quick,” a voice whispers harshly from my right, startling a yelp past my lips. “You must leave your home.”

I jolt upright so quickly, causing the chair to fall back and land with a barely audible thunk.

“Who… what …are you?” I stutter. The creature before me is clearly not human.

“We do not have time. The cliff above is crumbling and soon your home will be buried beneath it,” the non-human pleads. Pitch black eyes are wide with what appears to be fear, but the clawed hands keep me frozen in place, a blueberry still in my hand.

“Hurry,” it says with more urgency, taking a step toward me as if to pull me from my home itself.

I curl back, fear lodging a scream in my throat. I eye the only weapon I have near me, the plate on which my fruit rests. I wonder if it will render this being motionless.

It must read my decision because in seconds it is beside me, claw hands resting gently on my shoulders. “I will not harm you. I am here to save you. Please,” it begs now.

Another explosion knocks me into this being, my face planting into the scales that is its chest, and I curl back in horror. A scent of day old fish assaults me and I find my face scrunching up in displeasure.

“I am not leaving my home with… with… whatever you are until you tell me what is going on!” I demand, shocked my voice is steady when all I feel is panic and fear.

The beast visibly sighs and that is when I notice the gills in its neck, expanding and then closing. A shudder grips me and I take another involuntary step back.

“I am here on the behest of the god Poseidon. I am to save you, but I will fail if we do not leave NOW!” The being yells.

My heart dives into my stomach. The last thing any human ever wants is to catch the eye of a god. While some might think it a glorious thing, it only ends in misery and often death.

“I think I would rather die with my home,” I mutter.

The beast’s eyes flash red and its skin goes luminescent before returning to a very pale white. “I do not have time for insolence,” it says before his claws are gripping my waist and flinging me over its scaly shoulders as if I weigh nothing and dragging me out the door, just seconds before a boulder the size of a moon lands atop my home, completely decimating it before my eyes.

The being is carrying me away too quickly and soon the only home I have ever known is both literally and figuratively gone. Moisture pools in my eyes, but I refuse to cry. Instead I allow anger to control my next actions. I begin to beat on the beasts back, my hands hitting solid scale and probably hurting me more than it.

“Put me down you disgusting piece of filth!” I scream, which gets devoured by the battle raging above us in the skies.

Reds and oranges flicker in the sky between the pitch black clouds, giving the world below small glimpses of frightening power. Lightning strikes in our path, but my kidnapper easily evades it and picks up his pace to a mind-numbing speed. My body convulses with the erratic pitching, ribs knocking harshly against the scaly flesh beneath me.

“We are almost there,” the being yells over the violence and my body recoils at the thought of where there is.

Before I can royally freak out, I am tossed unceremoniously onto my feet, stumbling at the sudden motion and almost losing my berries in the process. My hands grip my ribs and I groan before I even realize the other odd thing. The complete and utter silence.

I finally take in my surroundings. We are down on the shore, hundreds of miles from my home. No wonder I feel like upchucking a week’s worth of food, which in all honesty isn’t that much.

Still.

There are more like the thing that brought me here. They all stand at attention along the shore, three long rows of perhaps fifty in each. I stare wide-eyed, never having seen such creatures.

Then my vision lands on the mammoth half-man and half-serpent leaning over a table in the distance. His entire scale-frame is tense as he barks out orders. It is my staring that eventually makes him turn to face me, as if sensing my gaze.

A smile crosses his horribly handsome face. A face that is both rugged and beautiful, should not be on that body. Queasiness quickly overtakes the anger, and I find myself taking small steps backward as the god Poseidon slithers toward me.

Long black hair reaches to his waist and irises made of ocean blue capture my retreating figure.

“Well done, Mekhail. You managed to save my champion,” he practically purrs. Another oddity considering the image before me.

I shiver at his voice, those thick lashes of his brushing his cheeks as he blinks, taking me all in. “She is quite the vision, is she not?” He seems to ask of no one.

I take another step back, which only makes his smile broaden.

“Cham… cham…pion?” I manage to stammer.

“Why yes. You will help me defeat Zeus,” he says with a nonchalance as if discussing the weather.

Incredulousness pauses me in my retreat. I am a mere human, who at most has wielded a rock to break up the rare meats I can catch. Is this god insane? Oh right. They all are.

I must have a look of utter disbelief because it seems to amuse him.

His laughter dances along my flesh, like a keyed-in song to my body, and I gag in repulsion but nothing comes up.

“Just … send me home please,” I beg futilely.

“You have no home, Ariella. We are your home now,” he adds with an imperious wave of his colossal arm.

The words repeat over and over in my dulled mind and when the darkness comes, I accept it with open arms.
imarci: (Snoopy Write)
It was a very nice weekend. The weather had been perfection … then Mother Nature has to go and ruin the prospect of spring by bringing us snow tomorrow. Evil bish. Ugh.

Anywho…. On Friday a guildie helped me out and we got the last 3 levels I needed to hit 60 on the horde character, so that I could unlock the stupid Horde end of the new classes/mounts/achievements, etc. I’ll have to actually go and make the characters, just so I can unlock their mounts as well. I’m just glad I got Blacksmithing and Jewelcrafting out of the way.

Saturday I was working on the monk which has the last two professions I need to get the big (75 point) achievement; leatherworking and skinning. I’ve been having a lot of fun leveling her and am actually considering swapping mains in the next expansion to her… but I don’t know. I’ve been a Paladin for SO long. I know the rotation, it’s simple, etc. It’s my comfort, and we all know I never like to leave my comfort zone…. Ever.

Monk’s are a little trickier and procs can make a big difference in the rotation, which can make me anxious. There’s really only one proc for Paladins and they have like five spells total. Monk’s got a bit more. But they’re fun and different, so I dunno. I am definitely thinking about it, and I’ll see how things actually go in the next expansion for each class. Plus, they already have a ret paladin, and I really don’t want to feel like I’m stepping on people’s toes. I know they really want a ranged class… but I dunno. I’ve never been into ranged classes. I mean I guess I could level the lock too and just see how that goes. Gah.

Also, there’s a LOT of sexy mog for leather. I feel like there are a lot more for leather than there is for plate, so I dunno. She’s only level 48 and she’s already rockin’ a sexy mog… haha.

monk


So yeah. That’s weighing on me right now. But anyway… that’s far away and I have time to decide. Saturday I also got the last achievement for the Easter event meta. I swear, there needs to be more undead females. Took forever to get that last one!

achieve

With this Meta done, I have TWO more to finish before I get the really big one “it’s been a long trip” or some crap like that. Though, I don’t know if I’ll ever get it. One of the achievements I need is to have my orphan out on BG’s and do things like capture the flag etc. I hate that shit. So… I may never get it. I just have no patience to battle people to capture a flag in a BG when capturing the flag is technically NOT the actual object (it’s holding towers). PLUS, everyone will be hunting that achievement, so it’s just a serious clusterfuck of bodies and annoying to everyone involved (especially the regular PvP players). Sigh. Blizzard makes shit so annoying sometimes. I wish they’d get rid of that one.

I also gave in and bought the Lightforged Warframe mount from the Army of the Light people’s. It’s a very nice looking mount, but it cost 500k gold, which put quite the dent in my character’s pocket, and now I feel like I have to always use it since it’s redonkulously expensive. NOT as expensive as the spider… but still. It is nice and glowy though … which I do like. These screenshots don’t really do it justice.

mount2
mount1


Yesterday we went over to Nelson and Trisha’s house. They were celebrating their one year anniversary (can’t believe my baby brother has been married a year, geezus). They invited my brother Danny, Trisha’s parents, Trisha’s brother/family and my mom and I. We had some finger food and partook in eating the top layer of their wedding cake, which has been frozen for the past year (a tradition of ours). Surprisingly, it wasn’t awful. Hahah.

Then we all hung out, watch some television and chatted. I feel like I haven’t seen Ava (Trisha’s sis-in-law) in ages. She brought her babies, which aren’t babies anymore… seriously, WHERE does time go? The little one was JUST born but she’s already almost as tall as her big brother, and walking up a storm. It’s great but it just reminds me how fast time is going, and it’s just slipping away. Soon enough Trisha will be popping out a baby or two as well… I can’t wait to have nieces or nephews, but man … time is crazy to me.

We hung out there until almost 11PM. Watched my brother play a scary VR game, which wasn’t that scary and just very weird. I think the Batman VR one was a lot more fun (especially to watch). Got home a little after 11:30PM and decided I wanted to do a little writing. I know… SHOCKING. What’s even crazier? I got two full chapters written before I went to bed. Yeah. I’m nuts. Oh and kicker? I have a TITLE for it already too! I know… the world is legit ending right now.

I’m slowly working on this book today in-between work, but who knows if I’ll stick to it or what. Most likely I’ll give up again in a day or two… as per usual. I just feel like nothing I ever write is any good, but then others read it and they enjoy it. I don’t know WHY I am so damn hard on myself… I really don’t. Anyway … back to writing I go (and hope it continues).
imarci: (Writing)
Below is the first chapter of one of my (many) books that I've written and never published. Formatting might be a little off since I copy/pasted it from my documents. Maybe I'll share the first chapter of a few of my books ... haha.


-One-

These are my favorite pair of stilettos and here I am, slogging through a waterlogged cemetery after some two-bit vampire.

I want to scream, but I also want to live. Finally giving in, I pull the heels off, eye the tombstone I'm leaning against, and place them on the cement ledge and continue my hunt.

Lowering myself behind an angel twenty feet away, I pull the 9mm pistol from my thigh sheath and take out the clip. I have three bullets left and have to make them count. Quickly snapping the clip back into the gun, I lean around the corner and take in a deep breath.

The stench is palpable. I am pretty sure this vamp hasn't showered in weeks, maybe even months.
The good thing about the newly reborn is that they are pretty slow on the uptake and barely know how to use their newly acquired talents; smell being key here. Even though I am upwind from him, he has no idea I am here.

I carefully, but quickly, move around the angel, keeping as much of my body lowered as I can.
Luckily, the torrential downpour helps cover the occasional splash I can't help. I'm about two hundred yards from him when I stop. I line up my shot, steadying my arm. I don't want him dead, just incapacitated so he can be taken in. If rehabilitation doesn't work, then he'll be put out of his misery. The head vampire of Saints City doesn’t really care in the end.

My finger presses the trigger and just as I fully compress it, and the bullet leaves the chamber, he bolts, causing the bullet to hit the tree that was just ahead of him.

Cursing under my breath, I dash after him, running at full speed. He can't be that old, as he runs just a little faster than the above-average human.

I note where he's heading and decide to take a detour. I practically slide down an incline that has now become a water slide, and barely stop myself from toppling over and landing face first in the mud.

Taking in a deep breath, I drop behind one of the large catacombs that line this area of the cemetery. Slowing my pace and my breathing, I concentrate on listening.

I hear him splashing down the middle aisle. He seems to realize he's lost me and slows down. I crouch even lower and just wait.

He's making more noise than a fussy newborn. Shaking my head I inch forward toward the main path.

Before he can react, I quickly spin around the corner and shoot. He manages to sidestep the bullet and blast forward, reaching me faster than I expect. His open palms connect with my chest, sending me flying backward.

Not exactly who I planned to hit second base with tonight.

I hit concrete and lose my sight for a moment, my second to last bullet gone. I blink a few times, trying to get the floating stars to go away. Groaning, I stumble upward and grind my teeth.

More sloshing through the mud—this guy is ruining my night. I have one shot left, and I can't waste it.

This time, I have to go at him full throttle.

I’m back up and chasing him again, tapping into my lycan abilities to add a little speed boost to my stride. It takes longer than if I was in full wolf form, but I am finally on his heels.
He throws his head back and laughs. I raise a brow and he shakes his head. “They send a little girl after me… amusing.”

That grinds me the wrong way. I leap into the air and am about to land on his back when he picks up his speed. My fingertips brush the edge of his leather coat before I belly flop into a puddle.

Great—this is also my favorite black dress.

Spitting out a piece of gravel, I make it onto my feet after a couple of failed attempts. Wiping the mud from my eyes, I let out a feral growl and take in a deep breath to calm myself.

Rocking my head back and forth, I work the knots out of my shoulders and tune in more deeply with my wolf half. I don't shift—I don't want to rip him to shreds—yet. I simply focus my senses completely; sight, smell and hearing.

He's about a hundred yards away already and headed toward the river. If he jumps in it, I'll lose him for good, and have to start this mouse chase all over again.

I run at an angle, hoping this time to actually cut him off without incident.

I skid to a stop around a large oak tree.

Normally, maybe on a sunny day and without the rotten stench of death up my nostrils, I might actually enjoy the beauty of this cemetery has to offer. Today is not one of those days.

This time, I wait for him to run by me before I leap and land on his back. He slips, causing us both to drop, me getting mud all over me yet again.

We struggle in a wonderful puddle of chilled water, but I eventually get the upper hand. Pressing the pistol's muzzle against his temple I glare down at him.

“Stop moving or I blow your brains out. You can't come back from that vamp boy.” His body remains perfectly still below me. “Good boy.” I pat his cheek, making a wet slapping sound.

“Now, you've given me quite a run for my money, and I don't appreciate having my pretty clothes ruined.” I remove a small dagger from the sheath on my left thigh and place it flush against his throat. “You're lucky the Marquis of this city has already called dibs on you, or your head would come clean off.”

He laughs and I find myself irritated enough that my wolf-half growls past my lips, “What's so funny?”

He shakes his head. “You are ever the dutiful pet, Zoey.”

I frown. He knows my name, and I don't like that. I slip the tip of the dagger into his neck, barely missing his artery. Marcus said alive, he didn't say in good shape.

He flinches, but his smugness doesn't leave his face.

“I don't need to hear anything from those filthy lips.” I make the grand spectacle of sniffing his chest. “You really should invest in this amazing invention called soap.”

I whack the flat edge of the blade against his left cheek, hard enough to leave a red imprint.
Taking my pistol, I press it against his neck and fire.

The tranquilizer sinks into his neck and beneath his skin, slowly releasing a chemical that will immobilize him long enough for transport.

It takes roughly a minute for it to actually take effect, and then my body completely relaxes. I roll off of him, and sitting on my knees in a ditch of mud, I press the ear piece. “Jack Phillips is ready for pick up.”

Flipping open a small watch-looking container on my wrist, I pull out a sliver of plastic with a microscopic locator and slap it on the vamps head. Pressing it into his forehead with my thumb print initiates the beacon, which blinks red to tell me its working.

Crawling to a stand, I let out a ragged breath and begin my trek back to the main road.

As I slip out of the clearing, I catch the amused look on my sometimes partner's face. I raise a finger and point it at Caleb, throwing on my meanest stare.

“Don’t. Say. A. Word.” I hitch my thumb over my shoulder and mutter, “Go fetch.”

I ignore his laughter as he passes me and heads off to do the easy part.

“Oh,” I pause and turn to eye his retreating back. “Stop by Julia Arthur's tombstone and pick up my pumps.”

I don't wait for a response.

My beat-up pathfinder is parked on one of the side streets so it takes me another five minutes to reach it. Opening the trunk, I ruffle through the bag I kept in the back with spare clothes and find a clean pair of leggings and a simple t-shirt. I didn’t want to risk losing him, or else I would have changed before that stupid, and admittedly ridiculous, chase scene.

Being as it is three in the morning I quickly change right there on the street and then jump into my car. My earpiece vibrates.

Every inch of me is aching with exhaustion, but still press it—I never learn.

“McKenzie, report in,” a gruff voice commands.

I can't even make excuses as the line cuts off before I can open my mouth. My boss can be a real dick.

Starting up my car, I pull a U-turn and head back into the city. It is going to be a long night.
imarci: (Northern Lights)
Work
Graduation time at work sucks. People are just overly annoying. Especially our students who have done NOTHING to inform us they plan to finish (as they are supposed to by January), and come at us less than a month from graduation all, “Yeah, so I’m graduating.” Uh… no. Yet we let them, because we’re just small enough that it’s doable… but it’s so fucking annoying and happens every year. Why are people such slackers? I can’t wait for this month to be over.

We’re also transitioning a LOT here at work. We’re getting a new President (finally) in July… so we’re all getting prepped for his arrival and things are a little tense around here because I do not think the old Pres wanted to leave (long story, not going into it). We’re also going to get an interim Dean (who is my boss’s boss, so I’ll report to him too and this one will directly affect me). The guy is nice though, so I do not see any issues there. It’s just a lot of change around here, and I’m not typically good with change … haha!

The only positive this week has been the weather. It has finally warmed up and feels like spring. I totally get the saying, “spring in your step”, because this weather has put one in mine.

World of Warcraft
Last night we actually raided. Felt good to bash in bosses. Though, I died on the dogs fight… I HATE when I die to bad luck. I got like 3 different bad buffs on me at the same time and went down so fast, no healer could have saved me. Of course, one of the tanks was all, “What happened to you?” As if to say, what ‘fail’ did you do… but thankfully two of the guildies that were with me on the dog we were fighting told him it was shit luck cuz I had multiple buffs on me that pretty much insta-killed me. One was a healer and I could tell he felt bad he couldn’t save me LOL.

We also had to deal with weird lag. It wasn’t awful, but every now and then it would spike and cause me to sit still for a few seconds, which could be bad if you are in the path of something you need to avoid. So that was frustrating, but it was all fine and I ended up doing decent DPS on all the fights (minus the dogs of course, cuz I was down for a good chunk of the fight).

In good news, I FINALLY replaced one of my 915 LFR tier pieces with a 945. TWO more to go. AH! I also got 950 shoulders I really want to use, but at the moment, I have a 915 tier piece, so I need a different tier piece so I can use the 950 shoulders lol. No luck man!

A couple of us hung out after the Eonar fight just messing around with toys, pets and mounts (showing off, etc lol) and renaming our pets to ridiculous or sexual things lol… like my tentacle pet I got last week I named ‘ribbed pleasure’ LOL. So yeah, shenanigans that had me laughing a little too hard. At one point, the GM got on his sled toy and was like SOMEONE PULL MEH! LOL and I had set down a pyre, so one of the guildies pulled him around and then she dropped him the pyre lol… too bad it didn’t actually cook his toon, but I still got a good SS of it.
IMG_20180405_103247

Afterward four guildies were kind enough to do the speed run through the Kara dungeon for the mount. I’d gotten it a few months ago, but I gave it to a different guildie, because he’d been the one to request the run for it. So, tonight they were nice enough to take me through it. With our gear though, we smoked that place pretty quickly.

It’s so PURTY!
IMG_20180405_103242

IMG_20180405_103236


Tonight we should reach where we are on our lockout (Aggramar), but I REALLY do not want to do the coven fight. It’s just so painful and it stresses me out so much. If I could avoid that fight all together, I would be so damn happy. Every other fight has it’s difficulties, but when it comes to RNG, the Coven wins it. And our luck with that boss fight is ridiculous.

Reading and Writing
Been a reading machine this year. I’ve finished 29 of my 60 books already. I love getting lost in fiction … I really do. And some authors write so amazingly well that I wish I could read their stories forever. It’s why I love authors that do a series … make the characters last a little bit longer. Sometimes though, I wish there were more than 3 books lol.

I wish I could stop giving myself issues and would just actually finish a damn book. I actually have written some things that I have found truly funny/action packed and good enough to share with others, but something always stops me from finishing these books… fear. I hate fear. It ruins my life. Even in something as simple as RAIDING, fear can take such a hold on me. Fear of sucking, failure and disappointing others. Why am I like this? Some people this shit just rolls off their shoulders. They fail? They get right back up and try again. I fail? I curl into a ball for months and go over things again and again in my head, torturing myself to no end about something as simple as dying to dumb shit! Or not finishing a book!

I wish I could stab fear in the face and tell it to fuck off and leave me be. I wish I knew the magic trick. I am POSITIVE other authors go through this or have gone through this… but HOW did they get past it all? How’d they overcome it and finish their work? I wish I had the answer, but I don’t. Sigh.

Friendships
In final news … I have a friend I’ve known for 10+ years. We were kind of a ‘thing’ for a little bit, but then I became more of a ‘friend’ toward him, and he was fine with that… but NOW he’s acting all crazy and wanting to force more on me and I have told him MANY times I love him as a friend, but I am not into him like that… but he’s making my life crazy right now. He’s always messaging me shit to make me feel guilty. I have been putting some distance between us in the hopes he’ll move on with his feelings, but I haven’t shut him out completely … but he acts as if I should be talking to him 24/7 … No! I do NOT talk to ANYONE in my life like that … and I just hate feeling this way EVERY DAY.

A part of me just wants to cut him out of my life, but I am not that type of person. Plus, I am hoping he’ll come to terms with shit and stop pushing me to feel a certain way I do not feel. He’s always like “Oh you don’t have time for me but you have time for your guildies?” Like really? I shouldn’t be made to feel like shit for playing something that brings me joy. Half the time I am not even doing anything with the guildies except on raid nights or when I run the occasional Mythic dungeon with them… but even if I was doing nightly crap with them and having a blast, a TRUE friend would be happy that I was having fun and NOT give me shit about.

It's just so frustrating and giving me unnecessary stress.

Long post is long… Off to be a productive part of society.

imarci: (wolf moon)

So my mom has been laid off work for a little over a month now. She's been going crazy at home (and driving me crazy + brothers). She has zero hobbies, so she's so very bored and because she's bored, she gets all mopey and depressed ... which only drives us a little crazy.

Anyway ...  for weeks she's been hoping work would call her back (she technically can retire now, but she's one of those that would hate to retire). So this morning at breakfast she was like, "Man, I really hope work calls me back today... I can't take this boredom anymore." 

I get a call around 10:30am with her screaming in my ear in excitement, that work called and wants her to start back up on Monday. We are all beyond ecstatic. Not only because this will help with her boredom, but it will also help our sanity.

On top of all this we'd been trying to find a good insurance to cover her medicine + 20% of her healthcare since medicare only covers 80% (I hate America btw... you work you're whole life so damn hard and when you retire you don't even get 100% coverage as a thank you for your contribution to society!). So we've been going nuts trying to get her something because she has a lot of medications. We were basically screwed because everything was like $300-$500 bucks a month and it only covered up to 3900$ of her meds (and she averages about 30k for the year). How does anyone survive when they retire??? And she has saved up money all her life so she's not exactly poor but this is insanity!!!

So yeah... we're all relieved, her especially, now that she's back at work, she'll have the good insurance from work which covers all her medications (don't take insurance for granted man... especially if you're like my mom --she has diabetes, asthma, etc. etc). Oh man.

It's just a huge relief all around for EVERYONE and we're glad she's back on a good insurance. I just hope they do not let her go again any time soon. This was so frustrating. Though, we probably should still keep looking for that '20%' insurance for the future when she DOES finally retire. Gah.

imarci: (coffee leaves)
Had a pretty good weekend. On Friday I played way too much Warcraft, as usual, so nothing new there. Saturday my mother and I headed over to my brother Danny’s house to spend the Easter Weekend. We were having family over there on Sunday, so she wanted to get the house ‘in shape’ for guests. I worked on leveling my Horde Hunter, so  that I can get her to level 60 to boost.

I honestly cannot stand the new crap with leveling. It feels like it takes so much longer to clear a zone and leveling is so damn slow. I am nowhere near level 60 … before getting to level 60 would probably take a day … two max. Dungeons take forever and don’t give ‘more’ experience (which I would guess they would do so that you could level faster, but nope). I’m just frustrated. Hopefully I get her to 60 soon, then I can use the free boost on her and have a 110 horde (to unlock the races/looks/mounts and pets). I also decided to give this toon two professions I need for a meta achievement (Blacksmithing + Jewelcrafting). While I have alliance toons (slowly) working on these, I just want this achievement over with (I’m impatient that way). Plus with leveling as slow as it is these days, I probably won’t work on them for some time. Anyway, but boosting the toon, it will max those two professions (if she’s level 60). Sooo yeah. Gah.

Anyway, bro got home from work around 6pm, we had dinner (delicious lasagna) and then we watched some movies. I finally saw the third installment of the Mazerunner. It was seriously kick ass. I loved it. Lots of action, very emotional, and just constantly on the edge of my seat the whole film. Definitely worth it if you haven’t checked it out yet. I give it a 10/10.

Then we saw Priest again. I really enjoy that movie and it always rekindles my love for Paul Bettany. I really wish he did more films… he’s such a great actor.

Afterward, he went to bed and I continued my NCIS marathon. I finished seasons 12 this weekend and have started season 13 last night. Catching up slowly… thought I know Michael Weatherly leaves at the end of season 13, which makes me sad. He’s the glue to that team with his jokes… No one can replace him! Though, I said no one could replace Ziva, but I’ve been enjoying the Bishop character… but yeah. NO ONE can replace DiNozzo man … he’s the best. I also think season 15 is Abby’s last season sooooo this will definitely be the last one I watch I think. Still, 14-15 seasons of a show is pretty great.

Sunday I got up a little late (11am). I played a little Warcraft (still no level 60 toon!) … and then we had Easter dinner around 4:30pm. It was baked ham and rice with shrimp. It was super delicious. The photo doesn’t do it justice (as it was taken with my cell phone too).
IMG_20180401_164957_610


It was nice to hang out, chat and have some good laughs. After dinner and some dessert (mousse + brownies), we sat around and watched the new Jumanji film. I was surprised by how good it was. I had been putting off watching it, thinking it would be dumb, but it was absolutely hilarious. Dwayne Johnson and Kevin Hart need to do more movies together… they’re great. I laughed way too much, which is always a plus. I give it a 8/10. The guy who had to pretend to be a stuck up female teen btw, was the absolute best! I loved it.

Then, I let my bro play his video game since Trisha and Nelson left, and I went to finish off season 12 of NCIS.

So yeah, it was a nice/chill weekend.

Now that we’re only a month away from our graduation here at work, things have been busy/intense. Finalizing lists, getting things ordered for the day, confirming graduates, ordering diplomas … etc, etc. Once the graduation is over though, things will be dull as a doorknob around here, so it’s just getting through this next month.

Hopefully tonight I can hit level 50 on the horde character. She’s 42 right now (it’s so slow!!!!!!!!!!!!). I get wanting to make it so you could quest wherever you wanted (diversifying zones to level in), but this slow ass shit is driving me insane. LOL. Eighteen more levels …. I got this!

Quick news ... the itch to write has been getting stronger. I have some ideas in my head as usual, but I just need to actually write and stop slacking off. Ugh. Hopefully I can finish the draft for this book this week so I can start to write it. 

I think I need to find a moodtheme for this blog AND some more icons. Hmmm.

Mounts

Mar. 30th, 2018 05:10 pm
imarci: (WoW1)
Finally stopped being a lazy pooper and worked on finding two 'secret' mounts in Legion. By this time in the expansion, they're not so secret, lol. BUT, I'm glad I waited. A lot of the video tutorials I found had mobs of people around the things you had to find to get these mounts. Today? None anywhere... so it was breezy and fast.

These two This one puts me at 194 193 mounts. Six Seven more and I get an Armored Blue Dragonhawk PLUS an achieve. w00t!
riddler'smanaworm1

Okay... I lied. I only got ONE mount this week. The other one is behind a world quest... so this week was the pet, next week will be the mount. IT WILL BE MINE ONE DAY!

The other mount is the Fathom Dweller.

The pet from this week is sorta cute, though it seems to be stationary... so meh. Lol.
pet12

Piano

Mar. 30th, 2018 08:21 am
imarci: (moon)
If you enjoy piano as much as I do, this is pretty damn good.


imarci: (wolf moon)
Now that the expansion is winding down, and the new one is on the horizon, things are slowing down in Warcraft. Been working on achievements in between raid nights. I'm almost at 19k achievement points, which is close to where my old account was at (my old account was about 19600 I believe).
achievepoints

So getting there slowly (okay I've only had this account a little over a year, so actually that's good lmao).

Poop news ... the last week and a half we haven't raided at all because of a healer issues. If anyone out there actually reads this and plays Warcraft and is on Alliance side... we could use a full-time druid or monk healer.

We've gotten 9/11 bosses down. Currently on Aggramar. Got him down to 53% on our first night last week, which was pretty good considering we didn't have a lot of classes with CC (for the adds). Hopefully we get this healer stuff figured out so we can get AOTC before the next expansion releases. Really sucks considering we're so close to getting it (two bosses man!).

In other news, celebrated my mother's birthday last Saturday. We went out to Hibachi and invited my Godmother and uncle to come. It was a fun night and our Hibachi guy was pretty funny (not as funny as our cruise guy, but still pretty good).

Some photos that I took with the phone since I didn't bring my camera (so the quality is meh). In the fire one you can see my mom kinda freak out... haha! I got the shrimp and lobster with the lo'mein and rice. Was SO good. I also got a 'mudslide' for a drink, also delicious.
IMG_20180324_194020_965IMG_20180324_190816_90920180324_192033

Afterward we went to Danny's house and watched a few movies. Finally watched the latest Thor film, which was absolutely amazing. Already bought a copy for myself, ha! I love Chris Hemsworth... not only because he's absolutely hot, but because he's actually a good actor. I am somewhat meh for the new Avengers. That movie will have to be 5 hours to give each character ANY justice... I think they've got way too many 'big names' in this one to make it work right, but hopefully I am wrong. That should be out soonish.

In great news ... I've read 28 books so far this year (14 ahead of schedule).
goodreads

I'm glad work has been relatively quiet lately because I get to read a bit at work. Though, pretty sure things are going to pick up now that we're nearing Graduation. Gah. I hate this time of year. lol.

This weekend is Easter. I'm very happy for this because I gave up coffee for lent and it has been awful LOL. I finally get to drink coffee on Sunday... it's going to probably feel really weird ha! I may have to call out on Monday :P We're going to be at Danny's for Easter so yeah. I now have my laptop there since I built a gaming PC, so hopefully I can get more achievements done this weekend. Though that laptop is soooo slow... but eh. Plus my bro's net sucks, which is kind of sad because pays extra for 'faster' internet and his is slower than mine!

Oh well.. I am going to go work on a few more achievements then hit the hay. I was off today and tomorrow so w00t!

Broken

Mar. 23rd, 2018 10:38 am
imarci: (dark angel)
I’m pushing everyone away. Deep down I know why. I don’t want the attachments. I don’t want to feel the pain that still reverberates deep within me from losing my father … one of the most important people in my life. His loss has left such a crater in my heart and soul. It has put me into a mode of emotional survival, a survival that requires I have no deep connections with others. So … I’m pushing everyone away.

I don’t like it, but at the same time, I am doing absolutely nothing to stop it.


Friends that I have known for 10+ years, I am just ignoring. Family that knows the same loss as I, I am ignoring. New acquaintances that make the mistake of thinking I want more than a simple hello, I am throwing a wall in their faces.


I am broken, and deep down, I want to stay that way. I’m comfortable with it. It’s who I am.


I'm in a dark place right now. I need this dark place right now. It sounds counterproductive, but it helps me (somehow, it's warped I know). I wish I could describe the utter relief and calmness that comes over me the second I come home and am able to tune it ALL out. Work, family, friends, worries, emotions, frustrations, the deep-seated anger inside of me, the sadness, the pain ... to just ... shut it all off and sit in utter silence (either with music/games/movies/tv, which is ironic I know).


I don’t want to talk about my day. I don't want to talk about my anger. I don't want to talk about how people make me feel at work, I don't want to talk about politics. I don't want to talk about the weather. I just want to sit in my own little bubble and think nothing, say nothing. I really just don't give two shits. I really don't. No one understands the depth of my apathy at the moment, hell, not even I do.


I have written many entries like this over the last few weeks and I’ve posted none of them. I’m not sure why. I used to turn to writing as an escape, and back when I was younger, it helped me through some really rough patches in my life. Yet, losing my dad is not just a ‘rough’ patch. It’s a life altering reality nightmare. Broken shards of the woman I used to be slice away at this new version but they’re not sharp enough to fully cut her out. So I sit in my own mental torment, and while I know help is within reach… that there are people out there who still love me and want to be there for me… I want none of it. I want the silence. I want the numbness. I want the aloneness. I want to disappear into a cloud of forgetfulness and hope that no one comes searching… that no one cares enough to try … because I cannot lose that person (or persons) too.

It’s just too much.
imarci: (books)
Back to work after four days off thanks to the flu … and I am thankful they have their once-a-month meeting this morning. Means I have the place to myself for the next two hours *stretch, purr*. It’s nice not to have to deal with ‘crazy’ for a few hours. I’m also beyond happy I am back to my normal hours. These weird ass ones were killing me. I have forgotten what it is like to leave work by 5pm… when the sun is still out!

So yeah. Four days out of commission. At least I was able to read a lot. I am eight or nine books ahead for my goal, which is good because I am sure there will hit a lull where I won’t read for a while. So far, it hasn’t hit and I’m glad. I do love reading. I’ve read some really great books and a few pretty crappy ones, but overall, most have been so good. I’ve even found myself a few new authors, so that’s always a plus. So yeah … It’s February 5th and I’ve already read 14 books. w00t!

I pre-ordered the next Warcraft expansion and made myself a Void Elf. She is so sexy.  SEE! (Pretty screenshots).
IMG_20180205_113604
IMG_20180205_113558


I want to level her, but at the same time I have SO MUCH to still do on my main. I feel pulled in all sorts of directions and have no clue what to do so I end up sitting in Dalaran wasting time. Yeah. Issues. There are reps I need to farm (for lots of mounts), fishing I have to do for that damn BoA fishing rod, getting more gear on the Paladin …

THOUGH! I finally got my 4-piece tier gear on her. Freaking MONTHS with nothing, then the other night I did all the LFR wings with a couple of guildies and got THREE pieces (already had 2). It’s all or nothing, huh Blizz? Yeah. I was in shock. So she’s got her 4-piece and I think that shit has really helped. I did a couple of mythic dungeons and the deeps… so beautiful. I wish I could pull off those numbers in raids (which boggles my mind why I can’t—I don’t know if it’s because I get all nervous about the mechanics and make dumb mistakes… dunno).

So yeah. I want to do LOTS in WoW but working and being sick … really cut into it :P I can’t seem to focus on just ONE thing. It’s an awful trait of mine that I hate (why I have never published a book too). Oh … and I have to level a damn (debil) horde character so I can unlock the appearances, mount and achievements. Gah. I dislike horde greatly, but I made a goblin hunter, so let’s see if I level the thing. If not, I’ll waste my 110 boost on a toon ): Which I really DON’T want to waste it on. I’d rather use it toward one of my alliance characters, but I guess I’ll see.

See?! SO MUCH TO DO! AHHHHHHHHHHH and before I know it, the next expansion will be here. Ugh. Oh, and I need a panda because the damn turtle vendor has at least 10 maybe more mounts, but that rep is all but impossible to get now (even with a tabard, that shit only gives like 30 rep per boss—dunno WHY they fucked with it and made it that way. So annoying.. AND she’s a human so she get more rep, can’t imagine any other race). AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *deep breath*

Anywho… Saw the Super Bowl last night at my brother’s. It was mostly family, but he invited over a few mutual friends so it was a nice, small, intimate group of us. I really didn’t want to go, but he would have killed me, haha. I ended up enjoying the game more than I imagined. It was a pretty edge-of-the-seat game and the commercials this year were on POINT. Last year’s suckkkkked. I think only Doritos had good ones. This year Bud Light, Doritos, Mountain Dew and TIDE (Tide won this year) … were all hilarious. Oh and the Amazon Alexa one was pretty damn good too. But yeah … I am glad the Eagles won… knocked those Patriots down a peg.

We had some great food, lots of laughs and beer. It was a good time and I’m glad I was ‘forced’ to go (though I still would rather have stayed home playing WoW :P).

I’m just so glad I am not feeling like I’m on death’s bed anymore, had a pretty good weekend and have a full night of WoW to look forward to! Bwahaha.
imarci: (miss you)
Hey Pops …

Man, just writing that brought tears to my eyes. You would think after all this time that you have been gone, I would be a little stronger, but I’m not. Some days I feel like I’m reliving that day … the day you took your last breath… and my heart splinters all over again. The foundation keeping me afloat these last eighteen months shatters, sending me into an abyss that I cannot seem to crawl out of for days.

You broke my heart pops… you know that? When you went, you took a piece of me with you… a big piece. Most of the time I don’t know what to do without you, so I do nothing. I stare at blank screens, pretend to listen as the world flies by and half the time I am okay with that. I’m okay with letting the time just slip away into nothingness because a part of me knows each day brings me closer to seeing you again. It’s okay of I stop living, I keep telling myself. It’s okay to just be a shell. To just go through the motions.

Sleep is the only hope that I have now to see you and talk to you, but those fleeting moments (when they rarely DO happen), aren’t enough. I wake with a deeper ache in my chest and a mind full of chaotic emotions.

I miss you so fucking much dad. It’s so damn easy to pretend you’re just away on a vacation. It’s so easy to hide behind video games and binge watching television. It’s when the silence comes that it hurts too much to breath. Those wee moments before I can fall asleep. When my mind is my worst enemy and the loss is too much to bear. Those are the worst moments. Those are the moments I dread. It’s so hard, dad. I don’t know if you know just how hard it is. Can you feel what I feel? Can you hear my cries? Can you see the pain? Do you know how much I miss you? Or am I delusional and you aren’t even there…

That’s my biggest fear. That there’s NOTHING after this. That you are no longer … you. That you do not exist somewhere that one day I can reach and see you again. THAT … that right there … Kills me. That thought keeps me up nights in despair. I so badly want to believe it’s not possible … that as humans with the capability of love… we would be reduced to nothing… to not exist beyond our bodies… but is that a naïve belief? I don’t know. I hate not knowing. It tortures me because I need to know if I will ever see again. I need to have that hope that I will and each passing day that hope dwindles.

I want to believe in a God, but at the same time I am SO angry if there IS a God. Why you? Why would this God take you away from us! You were the most wonderful person with such a beautiful giving, caring and loving soul. You didn’t deserve all that you suffered here. You didn’t deserve to have the last few months of your short life full of pain and suffering from the cancer that ate away at all that you were … all that we love. You deserved NONE of that. People in this world are SO AWFUL and UGLY and they seem to live forever … but you… you were taken WAY too young and I feel like that is so FUCKING UNFAIR. So FUCKING angry at God… if he even exists… I want him to, because it means maybe there IS something after this … but at the same time I cannot stand to not hate the very entity that took you away… ripped you from our lives so callously as if we never deserved you.

I am SO angry these days and I think a lot of it stems from me bottling up that you are gone. Most days I am numb. So numb, I don’t even think of you and when the feelings rush back, guilt is at the very top because I SHOULD be thinking of you every waking and non-waking moment. Yet that numbness keeps me a little sane. It keeps me from not being in a constant state of despair from your loss. It’s selfish. I know. But I do not think my mind nor my body can take these assaults of missing you if they were a constant, daily occurrence. I know that if I didn’t numb myself… I think that white padded walls would be in my near future. I don’t know if it’s a coping mechanism built into our organism. I don’t know if this is “Gods” way of helping us through the loss. I don’t know ANYTHING …

All I know is that I die a little each day on every possible level that a person can die … and that’s okay … because deep down there’s still that tiny little hope that ONE DAY … I will see you again.

I really hope I do dad… I really hope so. Have I said how much I fucking miss you?! Cuz I really FUCKING MISS YOU …

Love (you SO much),
Your Daughter
imarci: (winter)
So … the break. A week and a half off of work. It was fantastic and way too quick! I wish I had taken off a little more, but eh … too much time off is actually bad for me. I become way too idle (and FAT). I ate so damn much those ten-ish days. Ugh. So yeah … I definitely did nothing but eat, sit around and video game. It was … amazeballs. :D

Christmas eve, Nelson and Trisha showed up around 10PM. We opened gifts, had some wine, watched Christmas Vacation on the tube and just had some good laughs and chatter while we opened gifts. I got a lot of the stuff on my wish list but no new gaming PC :D I did get one part for it, though. So yay! I think Im going to buy all the parts I need this week and hopefully my brother can build it next week. It’s been a really long time since I’ve used a desktop at home. Will be interesting. Then, I can just leave my gaming laptop at Danny’s house.

On New Year’s Eve, Mike threw a party but since my momma didn’t want to go and I didn’t want her to stay alone, I took one for the team and stayed home with her. It was actually perfect because I really didn’t want ‘party all night’. I did a quick drive by his house, hung out for about an hour and came back to Danny’s around 9:30PM. I watched some television with her, played a little Warcraft, and then she and I drank some wine as the New Year rang in. I stayed up watching NCIS until 4ish am.

I really have missed that show. I stopped watching it completely (even the re-runs) when Ziva left, but I started it from season 1 last week and I am remembering how much I loved this show. I am going to just watch up until Ziva leaves and repeat. Now that Michael Weatherly isn’t even on it anymore either, I am just not interested in the newer seasons, but the first 11 are great (with Ziva and Kate).

Anywho. In other news … Guess who is pregnant?! Right … you can’t. Anyway … Diane! She told us the happy news on Christmas day. Yesterday, they had the ‘gender’ reveal party. It was a small family thing, and quite lovely. They’re having a BOY, which made both of them VERY happy (and us too). My uncle (baby-to-come)’s grandpa… cried. It was so adorable. So they have that wonderful moment in their life happening in 2018, so it shall be a great year for them! I’m very happy for their growing family <3

Other than that, the break was relatively relaxing. I played a lot of Warcraft (of course). I managed to get quite a few achievements done that I really wanted (for mounts). So, I am very happy about that. I need one more tonight and I will get me another mount. It will depend on how tired I am though. As the first day back to work today, I may just want to lie in bed and zone out to television … but if I’m up for it, I’ll hop on and get the last achievement for the Pandarian raid mount. I still have to get over the laziness and work on the Pandaria reputations because there’s about 15 – 20 mounts right there. Maybe I’ll work on those starting next week.

Now that the holidays are over, a lot of the regulars are going to start coming back. I’ve gotten really used to the small group so when the influx of returners come back, I’ll feel mad awkward again. Ugh.

Anyway. I have some things to get done. Write later!
imarci: (books)
This is to keep track of books I’ve read over 2018. My goal for this year is 60 because I read 51 last year. Let’s see if I can do this! :P

Title -> Author -> Rating (1-5 stars)

1. Falling From Grace by S.L. Naeole (***)
2. Cast in Sorrow (Elantra #9) by Michelle Sagara (*****)
3. Cast in Flame (Elantra #10) by Michelle Sagara (*****)
4. Darkness Unbound by Keri Arthur (****)
5. The Calling (Darkness Rising #2) by Kelley Armstrong (****)
6. The Rising (Darkness Rising #3) by Kelley Armstrong (***)
7. Priceless by Shannon Mayor (** - Didn't finish)
8. Darkness Haunts (Sensor #1) by Susan Illene (*****)
9. Skinwalker (Jane Yellowrock #1) by Faith Hunter (*****)
10. Maggie For Hire by Kate Danley (* - Didn't finish)
11. Everneath (Everneth #1) by Brodi Ashton (****)
12. Neverfall (Everneath #1.5) by Brodi Ashton (****)
13. Everbound (Everneath #2) by Brodi Ashton (*****)
14. A Court of Thorns and Roses (A Court of Thorns and Roses #1) by Sarah Maas (*****)
imarci: (moon)
So I always make (and usually fail) resolutions. Doesn’t stop me from doing it every year though, and this year is no different. The first one on here is a given … ha!

1. Write more in your journal. You always feel a little better after writing/expressing tensions, feelings and emotions….don’t know why you keep myself from writing. You’re insane that’s why … and apparently enjoy remaining in that state. You have to stop bottling everything up.
2. FINISH WRITING A DAMN BOOK TO PUBLISH. :P
3. Visit one new place in the world, that you’ve never been to (even if it’s in Connecticut).
4. Read 60 books. I am proud to say, you did reach your first goal of 30 for this year AND your new goal of 50. So you got one resolution done from last year. :D
5. Continue your 30 minutes a day of exercising.
6. Go to the beach more in the summer (been about seven years! – not counting cruise).
7. Take more pictures. Stop letting other’s prevent you from enjoying the hobby (Not going to commit to a project, just make extra effort to take more pics).
8. Save money. Stop buying so much crap you don’t need (it’s an outlet that you have to stop using). For now start small by putting $100 a month into savings (more when you can).
9. Learn to meditate.
10. Sleep at least 7 hours a night. This 4-5 isn’t cutting it anymore in your elderly age (of 33).
11. Find a way to channel your hatred so you don’t always feel so out of control and near ‘explosion’ mode, emotional wise.
12. Expand on my video games. For the last year-ish, all I have played is World of Warcraft (with a spattering of Overwatch/SIMS). I want to branch out so let’s do this!
13. Also want to find a guild in Warcraft to join/be a part of. I think it’s time to start trusting gamers again … ha. It’s just hard to find a small guild that is active. Most are either gigantic with 60+ people online and others barely have 2-3 on and no one runs anything. It’s tough.
imarci: (winter)
I'll do an in-depth post tomorrow about Christmas and New Years, but I wanted to just hop on here really quick and wish any who pass through a very Happy New Year. May 2018 be better in every way possible than 2017. I pray for all to have great health, lots of love and much happiness. Success, joy, friendships and fulfilled dreams for ALL!

Tomorrow I will write three posts:
1. The break at home which includes Christmas & New Year's Eve/Day.
2. My resolutions for 2018.
3. The start of my 'reading' list, to keep track of books (which will also be kept track of on goodreads).

I truly hope everyone had a blessed holiday season!

 

Happy-New-Year-01
imarci: (moon)
Today’s the last day of work until 2018. I has the excite. I’ve been trying to get stuff all set up/ready and done before I leave.

Crazy has been on her typical warpath to butt into every conversation. Someone literally made the briefest comment about a plant on my counter and she jumped up out of her seat, ran out of her office, to jump into the conversation, which I immediately excused myself from (because it wasn’t even a convo!). Then the person who made the comment got sucked into a totally different one (about Crazy building things in her spare time, to her then showing her photos of said things) … and tried to drag me back in. Thankfully, I was actually working on something at the time and was like “Sorry, been ignoring to work.” Like really?! I don’t come to work to socialize about shit for 8 hours.

Right now, I am writing this on my lunch break. I surf on breaks. Otherwise, I am working. GAH.

In better (but still troubling) news, mom has a sciatic nerve. So at least it wasn’t my impending doom thoughts dealing with her Diabetes. The doctor is giving her some medication, and he said she should feel a bit better in 2-3 days. IF she’s not, then he will get her into some physical therapy for it. So we’ll see how the meds work. Hopefully they’re good. He was actually such a good doctor, my mom is leaving her old doctor and moving to him, so good news there.

I really just hope she feels a lot better in a few days.

Tonight is raid night. We’re going to take on Argus (the final boss in the final raid for this expansion). We got him down to 2% last week and we didn’t have the ‘best of the best’ with us. Im going to try to hop into LFR beforehand and see if I can get some loot before the raid. I’m really just looking for tier gear, since I have NONE, and apparently that gives a big DPS boost.

Sigh. I have zero luck in the damn game. I actually got another legendary the other day and it’s SO AWFUL it isn’t even on the top 10 list of decent legendries for me. Of course, that counts as a received legendary tho, so now I won’t get another chance drop for weeks. This is my luck in WoW. It’s amazing I still play the damn game LOL.

That is if everyone comes on tonight. They were kind of iffy since I think some of the guild members are travelling early for holidays but they didn’t know HOW early.

Oh well, lunch is almost over, so let me wrap this up. I hope to write during the holiday break, but in case I do not and if anyone actually reads this … have a WONDERFUL holiday season and a very safe and happy New Year!
imarci: (WoW1)
Ugh. I’m freaking out lol. This raiding thing .. I dunno. I watched the fights on Fatboss TV on youtube and a few of them gave me a serious panic attack ha-ha. The mechanics for some of the fights is just absolutely INSNANE. I don’t think I could ever tank. Their responsibility in this final raid is through the roof. BUT it’s not just the tanks. In some of the fights, specific people have to do specific things.

Maybe I’m way more panicked because I have not done ANY of this raid except the first 3 bosses in LFR (and that doesn’t really count). I guess they can’t expect me to go in there and be totally pro considering I haven’t raided in over a year and I haven’t raided since WoD with my old guild (before all the crap drama hit). Because of all that, I have been anti-social for the last year and a half, refusing to even pug … but this guild does seem nice (they did warn me about one guy who might take things way too serious and be kind of dick—so I am sort of prepared for that lol).

I just went ahead and made a single sticky for each individual fight they said they were going to hit between tonight and tomorrow night. Yeah. I have major issues (and I know it) LOL. I just always forget the names of mechanics and when I need to be running or soaking up stuff … so this way I’ll have a quick glance guide on my screen. Usually after running a fight once, I get the hang of it, so this is really just for tonight since I am brand new.

In other news … I suck at normal life man. I get home so exhausted because I am FORCED to be social with coworkers all day long (which tires me out as I’m an introvert). So by the time I get home, all these plans I had to be active (wrap gifts, write cards, write …) are out the freaking window and I just want to unwind with something mindless. Either television or gaming. I think if most people left me relatively alone at work, that would help a LOT, but that’s clearly asking way too much around here.

I know on Friday I am going to be a serious sourpuss because we have a stupid holiday party. I wish they would make these things AFTER hours so people who actually love this shit go, and us who hate it, don’t feel forced into it. That is how 99% of jobs do it!

Also … you know someone is/feels guilty about something when they try WAY too hard to be nice to you. This morning I walked in and found Lorraine talking to the ‘enemy’. Now, she ALWAYS claims that she cannot STAND her (like me), and always talks crap about her with me … yet I have come back from lunch a number of times to catch them having a very ‘friendly’ chat, and Lorraine making ZERO effort to get out of it. Well this morning, I came in and they were both laughing hilariously at something one of them said and the second she saw my face as I came around the corner, she got this look on hers.

So of course, they keep talking (less jovially all of a sudden), but I totally ignore them because unlike Lorraine, I will not sit there and pretend (if she is pretending, I don’t think so sometimes) to like this chick and continue the social engagement. I just ‘uh huh’ everything she says to me distractedly and keep typing away like I am working on a huge project or something, eventually she walks away within a few seconds/min. Once crazy lady goes back to her office, Lorraine is suddenly teasing me when I slurped my coffee a little loud, making weird jokes that make no sense … totally trying way too hard.

I love Lorraine. I don’t know if would still be here if it weren’t for her because she helps keep me sane. AND I don’t care if she wants to be crazy’s friend. What BOTHERS me, is that she talks so much shit about her to me, but then whenever I see them interact, she doesn’t seem the least bit annoyed by her nor does she work to avoid/stop talking to her like I do. So, it just makes me question the trust there. What happens when I am NOT around and she doesn’t have to pretend to dislike her? Does she let slip crap I say? I mean some people are good at getting secrets out of people and clearly Lorraine is weak if she truly DOES dislike this woman, but whenever she’s around pretends to like her. It just really bothers me and I can’t help but be a bit miffed with her right now. I know I’ll get over it, but it really does bother me.

If I don’t like someone, I don’t pretend. I will be PROFESSIONAL if it is work related, but if you want to sit there and spin the conversation out control into personal territory, then I’m out. I don’t have time for crazy people. Crazy lady NEVER says good morning, good night or wishes anyone a good break if we’re going on vacation or a holiday. Yet, she insists on inserting herself into people’s personal conversations like she is friends with people when she makes little effort to be kind unless a conversation benefits her by getting her out of boredom. That to me is an asshole of a person. I don’t like assholes.

Anyway … I don’t think I can handle streaming. I’d been thinking about doing it and was going to try it, but there are a number of things I am really bad at and it would drastically affect the streaming.
1. I suck at multitasking. I find it difficult to keep track of guild chat when I am in a dungeon I’ve done a million times, never mind a RAID where I will have to concentrate 100x more. It would be very hard for me to ‘entertain’ my streamers/read their chat if I’m raiding and what’s the point of streaming if not to show them content?
2. I suck ass at small talk. A lot of the streams I’ve come across it’s a lot of small talk crap, etc. I’m good with direct conversation about deeper topics (like if we got to talk about mechanics, etc … but that’s rare).
3. I do NOT want to be on cam. Guys are perverts even when they think they’re being slick and on the DL. AND 99% of successful streams have people on cam at least once in a while. People like to put a face to the voice. But success does scare me, so this might not be a bad thing actually lol.
4. Tied into that… people are also assholes.
5. And that brings me to this one … I can’t take the heat. I get flustered when I am angry and sound like a total spaz. I wish this stuff rolled off my shoulders like butter, but it doesn’t. It would make me an awful streamer.
6. If this guild thing fails on me, I won’t have real content to stream so what’s the point? I run old content a lot, work on reps, and level alts. Not exactly fun times at the Apollo here lol.

(Break here in my daily update to report that Crazy has struck again. I was talking privately with a coworker and she jumps out of her chair—can hear it creak when she does—and comes out of her office, staring at us for a solid thirty seconds as if waiting for a chance to jump into the convo. I go back to work as I wrap up convo with coworker and Crazy ambushes coworker on her way back to her office, using the last thing she said to me to instigate a crap/nonsense/not work-related/totally useless conversation she clearly doesn’t care about, by her facial expressions, but ANY excuse to chat to use up some time in her day. I CANNOT TAKE IT. Sigh).

7. I’ve been watching a few random streams and I just don’t think I can deal with the type of people that come by to watch. It’s just not for me (the introvert I am, I should have realized this ages ago).
imarci: (wolf moon)

Started a fire mage last night, and surprisingly, I have really been enjoying it. Granted she’s only level 22, but still … it was fun! 88 more levels to go! The guild I joined has every main spec except a Mage since their full-time mage decided to swap mid-expansion because a lot of changes were made to Mages he didn’t like much. So, I offered to level one in case they want it for the next expansion, but I am HOPING … I do well on the Paladin… well enough that they would want me to stick with the Paly since she’s been my main for a really long time and I know how to play her really well.

Mages… eh. I haven’t played a maxed level one, well, ever. It’s why I’m going to take my time leveling her so I really get to know her ins-outs and try to become some sort of expert on them quick. It’s clear fire mages are VERY dependent on procs. When I got them back to back she owned the meters, but if one never popped, I did about the same dps as others my level. So, that will play a lot into the overall damage output. Plus, end-game, people have said they are VERY gear dependent, and I won’t get good gear unless I actually do raid on her. Blarg.

I hate politics. Now that trump is in office, I hate them even more. I cannot stand what that poor excuse for a man has turned this country into. Everywhere I turn, so much hatred (on both sides) … I can’t go on Facebook, or Twitter or even watch the news anymore because rage fills me with all the disgusting crap he does and how he even has ONE supporter, never mind a 32% approval rating boggles my mind to no end. WHO are these 32% and WERE you dropped on your heads as children where all logic, human decency and intelligence has escaped it??

Most of the world already disliked America before all of this, but now, not only are we an utter joke, most of the world legit HATES us. I just wish most of the universe realized that a LOT of us do NOT support the bag of filth, and wish he would do us all a favor (himself included, since he loves doing things for himself and no one else), and just RESIGN. I am so embarrassed for our future … when they look back on this moment and him, and wonder what every sane American is now wondering … HOW THE FUCK DID HE BECOME PRESIDENT?! And why did it take SO LONG to get him out of office!

UGH. Anyway. Just made myself a cup of coffee and I am going to enjoy it fully. I’ll be taking lunch soon. I like to go late because then I only have 1.5-2 hours left of the day and it just feels faster. Whenever I have to go early (for work stuff), the afternoon drags SO BAD. Lol.

It was nice to see my other work friend Shanell today. She’s one of the professors so she usually only comes in when she has to teach or comes to meet with students OR is forced into a meeting. Today she had a meeting but came early enough for us all to chat a bit, so that was nice. I think we’re going to all try to get together during our week-long break from work and have breakfast. Last time we all hung out was at Sheryl’s house for lunch and that was about three months ago. So we’re do for a hang out.

Tonight I have to sit around and write holiday cards. I finally got them in the mail yesterday, but by the time I realized it, I was hardcore into a game of Warcraft, so I put it off. I figure I’ll write the long distance ones tonight so they go out tomorrow, and then I’ll write the local ones this weekend and send them out on Monday.

ALL the stuff I bought for gifts arrived yesterday too, so our kitchen looks like a war-zone. I have to go through all the boxes and pile gifts together for their respective recipient. Bleh!

Other news ... mom's been doing well. I am amazed by her all the time. Of course, like all of us, she has bad days, but deep down she’s been good. I honestly feel like she handled my dad’s passing a LOT better than I did. She was his closest confidant, and where he wouldn’t complain to us kids about his pain and suffering, I’m almost sure he did to my mom. She knew the deepest darkest of what he felt, and I think she’s just thankful he’s no longer suffering, even if we are with his loss.

It’s so crazy how some days I’m doing fine, and then the smallest thing will ignite a fragment of a memory, and I tug on the thread, pulling it closer to the forefront, and something like ice cream on a random commercial suddenly has me remembering a story of how my father went for four different stores because it was my birthday and he couldn’t find the ice cream cake I liked the most (knowing full well ANY would have done for me) … and that gets me balling my eyes out for 2 hours. It’s just … crazy. I love that man so damn much and each day it’s a struggle knowing he’s not here … it really is. I just try to pretend I’ll see him soon, he’s just on a vacation, but we’ll met up eventually, but that doesn’t always work for me.

I miss you so damn much, pops. <3

January 2020

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