imarci: (coffee leaves)

It's been over a month since my last post... wow. Not really surprised though. I've worked on the below post for a number of days but kept putting it off.... but here it is.

I don’t know why my desk is always the hub of conversation. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people just idle around in my personal bubble at work and have full blown conversations with others (myself not included), when every single ONE of these a-holes has an office! I would NEVER, in a million years, step into someone’s office with someone else and just start up a conversation and stand there in their space talking about shit not even work-related.

The lack of respect is absolutely mind-blowing. I really wish people would realize what royal assholes they are, and it makes me blind with rage sometimes (especially if I am already feeling prickly).

I literally just had one co-worker standing right behind me in my small space to chat with two others over the counter of my cubicle for a solid fifteen minutes while I tried to work! This is the shit that drives me bonkers. I wasn’t even in the conversation and she just stood there with these two chatting away all up in my space … WTF is wrong with people? Why do they see any of that as acceptable, but to me I would NEVER do it? Am I the crazy one? I really don’t feel like I am but this crap makes me bonkers and I hate feeling this way almost all the time.

Other than that feeling of rage coursing through my veins right now … life is relatively okay.

The cruise I went on with my friends the first week of November (omg can’t believe it’s already been 1 whole month!) … was wonderful. I had so much fun and I am in shock that we didn’t drive each other insane or fight or come back wanting to murder each other. We actually had a lot of fun together and a great time. The weather in the Caribbean and in Florida was perfection. Last time we went it wasn’t so great (rained in FL and was way too hot/couldn’t breathe in Bahamas). This time, each stop was beautiful.

Here are all the photos that I took from that week. Normally I would have taken a crapload, but I didn't want to be that person that held everyone up. So this is not as extensive as my normal travel shots. Ha!

In Florida we hung out on Cocoa Beach for most of the day and then had a late lunch at one of the local spots right off of it. On the private island we’d gotten a cabana and it was so worth the 500$ that it cost. It had an epic view of the ocean and ship, provided comfortable seating arrangement and was close to the ocean to swim and run back. They delivered food to it and the personal drink servers was like we were millionaires (none of us are even remotely close). It was such a relaxing day, reading, enjoying the breeze, ocean and friends.

Our final stop was Nassau, Bahamas. We got a package to go to Atlantis (their resort there) and it was worth every penny. We got another cabana there near one of the many beautifully built pools and spent the whole day going on water slides, a lazy river (which was far from lazy and I didn’t like the rapids much lol), and drinking strong drinks by the poolside. It was utterly fantastic. Everyone agreed they would do a trip just to the resort for a week if the chance ever arose. Also, the Mayan theme architecture was very well done and I really did love it.

The time we spent on the boat was great until the last two nights. The boat rocked so bad on the way back to NYC that I felt like it was gonna tip over sometimes. Which is interesting because we went the same week two years ago and it only rocked a little on the way to Florida.

Other news...

I reached my second reading goal a few nights ago. My first was 30 books, which I hit around two months ago, and so I increased it to 50. I was going to increase it again, but since it’s already December, I don’t want to push my luck (though I have been a reading machine). Whatever ends up being over, is over the 50.

I added a bunch of new books to my wishlist since I am quickly making my way through my kindle selection since 2014 (when I last read more than 2-3 books). I bought a LOT back then, but I’m burning through it and only have about 80 left (yes, only). I have a bunch of series’ I want to catch up on, but I am hoping to find some new ones once I’m done reading the older books.

My writing has faltered. I don’t know why I get like this. It’s bugging me to all hell too because I have actually been enjoying what I’ve been working on, and really like the story idea. I am letting fear hold me back… again. If I wait too long to continue, I know what will happen. I will lose my connection to the characters, and when I do grow some proverbial balls again, I won’t be able to come back and reconnect with them and will have to start something totally new (again). This is my pattern. I have started SO MANY books (sitting around everywhere) … they all stop somewhere between chapter eighteen and thirty. Sigh.

I wish I wasn’t such a weak ass bitch and would just do this. It’s killing me too because I want to write, but I haven’t been doing it. Man, I have so many freaking ISSUES.

Now that it's December, busy trying to get wishlists together and shopping for people. I'm glad we put a limit this year. I'm not really in the spirit (with dad passing a short while ago I havent really been in the mood to 'celebrate' without him). I know I should get more in the spirit because he loved Christmas and I should continue to enjoy the things he did, but it's so hard during this time of year. 

So ... yeah. My brothers, sister in law and mom set a limit to 100$ for each of us and then Diane and I did $50 and my friends and I have done $25. Which is a little less stressful. Thankfully most have sent me lists this year, so that's a huge help too (instead of trying to come up with ideas for people who have EVERYTHING).  I am hoping to be done shopping by the weekend *fingers crosssed*. 

Anywho. I'm working on some resolutions for the new year (one being to write more here!), so I am sure I'll be back. 
 

imarci: (WoW1)

So I am plotting away at a new book idea. I’ve detailed twenty chapters so far. I already have the ending planned out, but I need to figure out the middle-ish part. I want this book to feel familiar for the genre but also be very unique in its own way. Finding that balance with my ‘perfectionist’ mentality is hard. I know things will become clearer when I actually start writing (and some things will change), but I am enjoying the ideas I have for it so far.

I just hope I can stick with this. I have 5 book drafts in my two notebooks and I have felt this way about at least two of them and then never worked on them. Maybe I can fool myself into thinking that having 5 book ideas is actually good so that when I finally write one/publish it, I have 5 ready to be worked on … but I know myself well enough to not be fooled.

I should just do it for my pops, to honor him in some way, but even that doesn’t push me to succeed. I suck.

Speaking of my pops. I have to preface with… I swear I am not crazy.

The other day I was getting ready for work and I heard my name. It sounded like someone was saying it through a bubble. It was kind of warped sounding. It was coming from the kitchen so I slowly walked toward it and I heard it again and I swear to whatever is holy, it sounded just like my dad. My heart froze, I froze … everything froze. I tried to listen so hard and finally called out, “Daddy?” I didn’t hear it again, but I swear this sense of peace came over me because deep down inside I knew it had been him … I just knew it. I told him I loved him and then went back to getting ready for work.

It was so surreal and maybe I was sleepwalking, and maybe deep down I want to believe this bad enough, but I swear … it was him. Is it so awful that I want to talk to my dad so badly? I miss his voice. I miss his laugh. I miss everything about him. It kills me sometimes, knowing he’s gone. I think 90% of the time I live in a state of denial because whenever I am back to reality it just hurts so damn much. Yet I know living in denial isn’t healthy either … but it’s saving me from daily meltdowns.

Sigh.

I finished another book. I’ve been so disappointed in my selections lately. I am trying to catch up on my old books from 2012 onward that I bought back in the day, so I have a lot of books that were ‘free’. Many are good but some.. ugh. I just can’t get through them. I tried 4 books in the last two days before I finally forced myself to read this one all the way through. I actually like her as an author and have loved her other series’ … but this book SUCKED. I really hope whatever I read next is decent. Tired of hitting all these duds recently, especially since I finally upped my books-to-read count for the year, and I read 100 pages in each book and then have to give up (wasting time!).

Amway. Review below.

I am so glad today is Friday and other than lunch at the sis-in-law’s/bro’s house with the family on Sunday… I have zilch planned and that’s what I like. I might actually play some World of Warcraft. It’ll be my first time in over two weeks, which for me is a LONG break from the game. I guess I am finally getting tired of this expansion. That … and I never get anything good. Doesn’t help I follow people on Twitter who are always getting rare mounts/pets and I sit here like … “Look! I got a slightly less crappy piece of gear—yay me!” Gah. The RNG on that game blows because I have zero luck… in everything.

Beckoning Light (The Afterglow Trilogy, #1)Beckoning Light by Alyssa Rose Ivy

My rating: 2 of 5 stars


I've read other books by Alyssa that I've loved, but I couldn't get into this one that much. It all felt strained, which really bummed me because I loved her other books. I wonder if this was one of her first works.

Pros
Sadly not too many. Again, was really disappointed ):

Cons
-The MC, Charlotte wasn't well developed. I felt zero connection to her. She just kind of existed throughout the whole book with a lot of smirks, eye rolls and not much of 'substance' to her. I really didn't care if she lived or died and that kind of sucks.
-The dialogue in this book was rather on the weak side. It felt mundane, repetitive and forced 90% of the time. Which sucks cuz I've laughed/loved/cried/hated, etc. with her other books.
-I just didn't connect with any of the characters. None. And that James dude was a creeper/douche from the beginning but not even good at it ... All he did was say everything with a smirk, push himself on her all the time and just ground my gears. That was annoying. Not surprising he's a dbag in the 'other world' too.
-The insta-attraction/love/lets get married to Calvin. Man I really wish authors would stop doing this. Ugh. So lame lol.

It gets 2 stars because Monty and Liam were 'okay' characters and the MC wasn't a total whiny bish (though she was dead as a doornail in every other way). I definitely recommend her OTHER books though. They are amazeballs.






View all my reviews

imarci: (Default)

Autumn has been such a letdown this year. Usually my favorite season, it not only came late (we had sweltering days all through September), but the tress leave much to be desired. Typically they are a breathtaking array of bright reds, oranges and yellows … this year? They look like dirt on branches. So bleh.

I wanted to hike up to Talcott Mountain and snap some epic fall foliage photos, but that will clearly not be happening. Everything already looks dead or close to it, and it’s still in the 60s-70s out there.

I know… boo-freakin’-hoo. Still. I wait ALL year for this season, so when it’s a disappointment, it really sucks donkey turds.

Yesterday’s/last night’s thunderstorm pretty much washed away what few beautiful tress WERE around, leaving pools of slippery leaves all over the road for today’s commute.

Deep down though, I am not overly disappointed. I just hope this ‘warm’ weather lasts another week and a half so when we leave here from NY for our cruise, hopefully it’s warm enough for them to have the outdoor pools/Jacuzzi’s open :D

I am glad I do not have anything planned this weekend. With having to be overly social for a whole week, I need a weekend of zilch to prepare mentally. As an introvert, the social stuff gets me sometimes. I don’t mind when it’s a small group of us, but when it gets louder/rowdier, I need my ‘me’ time all the much more.

Randomly … I wish I could focus my mind on one project. I was drafting up a book outline (my third book idea in less than two months), when another idea just struck me that I feel is ‘better’ than the last few I’ve been working on … and this is why I can never be a published author! I can’t stick to one idea/one project. I’m flighty, all over the place and it’s so frustrating. I wish I could stick to something, actually write it and then worry about the OTHER ideas. Ugh.

Now I want to work on an outline for this NEW idea. Someone help me! I wish I knew the special trick that authors use to keep themselves on track and not constantly falling off the rails after other trains of thought. Ugh.

I know a small part of the jumping around is also the fear I mentioned in my previous entry. Fear of failure but also success. What if people actually DO like my crap? Then I have write MORE crap … Ahhhhhhhhhhh *deep breaths* I know what I NEED to do, but it’s so hard to actually do it. Gah.

Anyway. Read another book in one day, so posting the review below. I don’t always do reviews, but Im trying to get into the habit because sometimes I come across a book I’ve read and have no idea what happened so reviews just help me go… Oh yeah, I remember that.


Sweet Blood of Mine (Overworld Chronicles, #1)Sweet Blood of Mine by John Corwin

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Wow. I loved this book so much. The fact that it made me burst out laughing every other paragraph .. ugh. I can't wait to read the next one (and next one and next one...you get the point).

John Corwin has a way with similies that had me in stitches. I normally don't read YA that are from the male point of view, but this book beyond surprised me.

Pros:
-Hilarious. I cant say this one enough, sweet goodness of laughter is always a plus.
-The world building was great. It had some classics like vamps and sorcerers but also new and interesting species like Felycans and moggies.
-The characters were believable/real and sucked me into their world within the first few paragraphs.
-The action scenes were great and the earlier scenes as he's learning/becoming what he is, hilarious in their realistic fails.
-The storyline ran smooth, never felt rushed or dragged out and the plot was believable. It was a great 'first' book for a series. Just enough information to keep you interested, but not overwhelming to make you groan and skip sections.
-Justin is as 'real' as boys go. He isn't model hot, with the girls falling all over him, and it made the story that much more enjoyable. Especially when HIS Elyssa liked him (always, even when he was a chunky monkey).

Cons:
Honestly. I cannot think of any (why it got 5 stars). This book was amazing on many levels... well written, action packed, 'real', and hilarious (gotta throw one more in there).



View all my reviews

imarci: (books)

Since I’ve been a reading machine, I went ahead and changed my reading goal from 30 to 50. I might regret that in a month when I don’t feel like reading Ha! I go through phases with it so that wouldn't surprise me.

readinggoal1
readinggoal2


I am bringing my Kindle eReader with me on the cruise (T-11 days!!). I don't know if I will get a LOT of reading done, but I hope to get in some. I figure while the guys + Trisha are doing activities, I'll sit around reading on the beach or at the pool :P

We cruise for the Bahamas (with a stop in Florida) on Sunday, November 5th. While I have been on this cruise before (the destinations), the people I am going with are different (minus my two brothers). Trisha and three of our guy friends are joining us. I feel like it SHOULD be a lot of fun, but we will see haha. Spending a whole week with people you might only see once a month, could have a different effect than all-out shenanigans. But I am hoping for the all-out shenanigans. I need it.

I need this 'escape' from reality so bad. While my emotions have tapered off from Friday, I still have daily moments of panic that my dad is gone. I still have the sadness and the ache of missing him. That, and I just need a serious break from work.

People around here drive me absolutely bonkers 99% of the time. If it weren't for the amazing vacation/sick-time package, I would have bounced years ago ... but as it is, I will NEVER get another package like this. So I suffer the insanity of the people.

Folks around here think that giving me the 'silent treatment' will work on me. They fail to realize I am an introvert so their silence is 100% appreciated and wanted. Plus, you are in your fucking 60s ... WHY are you acting like a child and trying to give me the silent treatment? (Again, not complaining, just mind-boggling when this happens).

If someone approached you 10 minutes before 5pm (leaving time) on a Friday, and informed you that you had to stay late to use the PAPER CUTTER on a project THEY decided to start at 4:30 (and noticed they wouldn't finish in time), would that not royally piss you off? A project that has ZERO impact on the actual work of the establishment and is an 'extra' side thing they decided to do to make a poster look 'prettier' ... (I shit you not) ... a project that could have been done ALL WEEK LONG, but this person is the epitome of last minute shit. So they were 'upset' that I said no, I was leaving a 5pm and they knew very well how to use the damn paper cutter... SERIOUSLY?!

I just cannot make up half the shit that happens around here. I swear if I told people everything that goes on that drives me insane, most folks would assume I was a pathological liar because half the time I do not even believe that people with Master and PhD degrees act like this on a daily basis. The lack of actual common sense in these people has me in a constant state of 'wtfuckness'. It's so disturbing. Maybe I will write about it here because I really can't make heads or tails half the time.

*deep breath* Anyway ... I can't wait to be sipping fruity drinks in a week (and almost) half. Just escape these people and my life for a short period of time. Get lost in the waves, the books, and the drinks :P

I kind of do want to bring my laptop to try and sneak in some writing on my outline (for my book that I will never publish *sigh*), but I know better. I won't have time to write except maybe in the wee hours when we all go back to our respective rooms, but all Ill want to do then is either read or go straight to sleep.

I really want to publish a book. I've written so many things over the years and never had the nerve, but with my friend BDone trying to encourage me these past two years, I've gotten a little hopeful that MAYBE this time... I will work on something I'd like to actually publish. I dunno. Fear really sucks man. It paralyzes me so much. I am sure authors out there go through this heartpounding, what the hell am I thinking, moments, but they plug ahead. Me? I stumble back, tumble down a hill and land in a deep dark ditch, taking ages to crawl back out and attempt anything again for weeks. *Hangs head* The issues are strong in me.

Oh well... Im gonna end on this note. I am actually reading a book that has me laughing a little too hard at work, so going back to that to avoid these nutcases around me. :D

January 2020

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